


The Knight and Her Angel

by satinedeservedbetter (an_abundance_of_AUs)



Series: May She Bring Balance To The Force [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Anakin Skywalker genderbend, Anakin doesn't know how to talk to girls, Anakin is one of those lesbian fuckboys, Anakin p.o.v., Anidala, But she can't so she settles for a man-bun to accompany her padawan braid, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gays really be projecting onto Anakin Skywalker, Genderbending, I will involve Satine somehow, I wrote this because I'm gay and I want to woo Natalie Portman, I'm Gays, IT'S ME, Jar Jar Binks doesn't exist because I said so, Just you wait - Freeform, Lesbians fix everything, Lesbians in Space, Movie Re-Write, Movie: Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, Past Rape/Non-con, References to Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008), She would wear a snapback and a chain necklace, no beta reader we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:28:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27909736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/an_abundance_of_AUs/pseuds/satinedeservedbetter
Summary: It all began, ten years ago, when I saw the most beautiful girl in the galaxy. Well, I hadn’t seen many beautiful girls. Tatoonie isn’t really the place for beautiful people. All we had were smugglers, gangsters, gamblers and slaves, whose skin was rough from their scars and the everpresent dusty wind.When Watto called me around to mind the shop, I saw her. A young girl with a group of travelers from off-world. She looked around, her expression a mix of fascination and concern. The sunbeams illuminating her cheeks made her look like she was almost glowing. Before I could catch myself, I blurted out, “Are you an angel?”* * *You all know the prequel trilogy, but how would things have gone differently, if Anakin were a woman? Never fear, she's still named Anakin.* * *(updates weekly)
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Shmi Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Series: May She Bring Balance To The Force [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043721
Comments: 32
Kudos: 34





	1. Reunited

It all began, ten years ago, when I saw the most beautiful girl in the galaxy. Well, I hadn’t seen many beautiful girls. Tatoonie isn’t really the place for beautiful people. All we had were smugglers, gangsters, gamblers and slaves, whose skin was rough from their scars and the everpresent dusty wind.  


When Watto called me around to mind the shop, I saw her. A young girl with a group of travelers from off-world. She looked around, her expression a mix of fascination and concern. The sunbeams illuminating her cheeks made her look like she was almost glowing. Before I could catch myself, I blurted out, “Are you an angel?”  


“What?” She looked over at me. I couldn’t quite tell if she was stunned or amused.  


“An angel,” I explained, “I heard the deep space pilots talk about them. They’re the most beautiful creatures in the universe…They live on the moons of Iego, I think.”  


She chuckled and her lips formed a warm smile. I couldn’t help but smile back.  


* * *  


Now, I was in an elevator, on my way to see this girl again for the first time since. Maybe I was a bit more nervous than was justified. I thought about her, sure, but things normally didn’t get me this worked up. _Take a deep breath, Anakin. It’ll be fine. It’s not like she’s forgotten, right? Right?_  


Obi-Wan turned to me. “You seem a bit on edge,” he said.  


“I haven’t been more calm. You must be mistaken, Master.”  


“You’re hyperventilating, Anakin. One doesn’t need to be a Jedi to see that.”  


I sighed and threw my head back. “Fine...I will admit I am a little nervous.”  


“Never fear, my young Padawan. Politicians are nothing we can’t handle.” _If only it was that simple._  


Before I could manage a reply, the elevator doors opened to reveal a woman in flowing robes. She looked oddly familiar. Perhaps she was one of Padmé’s handmaidens from back on Naboo.  


“Senator Amidala! Your guests have arrived!” she called out. Padmé entered from the next room.  


She nodded to her handmaid. “Thank you, Dormé,” she said, before turning to Obi-Wan, “Welcome. I trust you had a safe trip?”  


“Yes, of course,” Obi-Wan assured her, as she led us down the hallway towards her apartment.  


“It has been far too long, Master Kenobi,” she said. Then, she paused and turned towards me, “Ani? Is that you? My, you’ve changed so much, I almost didn’t recognize you.”  


My words caught in my throat and I froze. I could feel my face heat up from embarrassment and nerves. I guess the pause I took was a bit too long to be socially acceptable, because then Padmé said, “I don’t remember you being so quiet.”  


I cleared my throat. “Sorry, milady, I should uh…” I extended my hand stiffly, “Shake your hand.” She accepted the handshake and laughed under her breath.  


“Still a funny one, I see,” she said. I could see Obi-Wan side-eyeing me from across the room, where he was speaking to Padmé’s guard.  


I smiled nervously and said, “You noticed?” My thoughts raced. _She’s still holding onto my hand. Why hasn’t she let go? Wow, she’s so much prettier than I remember._  


Obi-Wan strode over, with the guard in tow. “Shouldn’t we return to the matter at hand, Senator?”  


“Why yes. Please, take a seat,” Padmé replied. I sat, keeping my back as straight as possible. My stomach turned and my mind drifted from the conversation at hand. I could see their lips moving, but I was more focused on keeping my face from contorting into a grimace. I knew Padmé didn’t mean any harm by bringing up the old nickname, but it still stung. _Now, to try not to look like I’m massively uncomfortable. Better maintain what little credibility I have left._  


“...The situation is more dangerous than the senator will admit,” the guard said.  


“I don’t need more security! I need answers,” Padmé insisted, “I want to know who’s trying to kill me.” She was right.  


Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. “We are here to protect you, Senator, not to start an investigation.”  


“Is that not why we’re here, Master?” I protested, “If all the Senator needs is some additional security, why call a Jedi?”  


“Anakin, that would be overstepping our mandate. The Council said-”  


“Would it not be in the Senator’s best interest to find this killer, rather than waiting for them to come to us?” If we went after the killer ourselves, Padmé was much less likely to be caught in the crossfire. Just the thought of that happening made me feel sick to my stomach.  


“We don’t have the authority to make that decision, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, “I’d suggest you remember your place.”  


“Why?” I liked being a Jedi, don’t get me wrong, but that hierarchy always rubbed me the wrong way. Sure, the Council members earned their place, but they took their position to mean that they had all the answers. They told you what to do, where to go and even, who to be. Sometimes, I wondered that if, by joining the Order, I had merely replaced one master with another.  


“We will do exactly what the Council has instructed. Are we clear?” Obi-Wan clearly didn’t want to humor this line of questioning.  


I sighed. “Yes, Master. We’re clear.” I slouched back in my seat and blew a stray hair away from my forehead. I looked over to Padmé. I couldn’t quite tell who she agreed with. I should’ve expected this would be difficult. It seems that years as a politician teaches you to hide your intentions well.  


“Perhaps with merely your presence,” Padmé said, attempting to defuse the situation, “The mystery surrounding this threat will be revealed.” Her royal blue robes billowed as she rose from her seat. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some work to do.”  


Obi-Wan nodded his head, “By all means, milady.”  


I watched as Padmé slowly made her way out of the room. Looking back on the conversation, I couldn’t say definitively if it went well or not. Hopefully, it wasn’t an awful start. She didn’t hate me… yet. When she reached the door, she looked over her shoulder and smiled at me. All the bad feelings that had been building up melted away. That was the Padmé I remembered. Relentless optimism and a smile that could soften the hardest of hearts.  


If anyone could save the galaxy from itself, it was her. As far as I was concerned, she could do anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made an accompanying playlist, just general vibes, enjoy!
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6pNYDc1SL0T5jnM4zWuxUv?si=1mzzI2hNTh-pWSBHZLViNg


	2. Changes

When my view of the skyline outside Padmé’s apartment became hazy, I knew I was reaching my limit. Master Obi-Wan always warned against pushing myself too far and this was no exception. My neck ached as I sat up properly for the first time in hours. The door to Padmé’s room seemed a lot further away than I remembered. I glanced around the room. It was deserted, apart from myself and a few houseplants. Obi-Wan was nowhere to be found. I supposed he was probably downstairs talking strategy with Padmé’s guard, whose name I now knew was Captain Typho.  


_You know what would be a good way to avoid passing out?_ I mused, _Talking to Padmé! If she isn’t busy, that is…_ I debated the prospect in my head for a few minutes, before ultimately coming to the conclusion that this was actually the best time for it, because Obi-Wan wasn’t here to lecture me about professionalism.  


I knocked on the door, then held my breath. There was a silence, and then-  


“Yes? Who is it?” Padmé asked, from the other side of the door.  


I abruptly remembered to breathe again. “It’s Anakin,” I said, “I was wondering if you were still busy with uh… whatever it is Senators do.” Padmé laughed.  


“No, not at all.” There was a silence between us. “Would you like to come in?” _Thank goodness to Padmé for keeping me from making an utter fool of myself._  


“If you don’t mind, of course.”  


The door slid open, revealing Padmé leaning back in her desk chair, one hand on the door control panel and the other holding a hologram projector displaying a news channel. I scanned the room for an available chair, but didn’t find one. I loitered awkwardly in the doorway as Padmé asked, “So what is it you wanted to speak with me about?”  


“I was wondering how you’ve spent these last ten years. I’m sure you had plenty of adventures.” I leaned my elbow up against the doorframe and watched as she rested her chin on her knuckles and furrowed her brow. She sighed, then straightened up.  


“I’ve done plenty in my years in the Senate, but most of it was working on legislation. I’m sure you wouldn’t find it all that interesting. The life of a Jedi must be far more exciting…”  


“No, tell me. I’m curious,” I insisted, “Obi-Wan is always telling me I should pay more attention to the politics surrounding our Jedi assignments.”  


Padmé laughed under her breath. “Do you listen to him?”  


“I try my best.”  


“I suppose that’s code for ‘he makes everything incredibly dull’,” Padmé joked, “Men, right?” I didn’t exactly know what to say.  


“Uh… sure,” I said, flatly. I still wasn’t entirely sure what she meant. In the silence, I adjusted my posture. My shoulder was starting to ache from my body weight pushing against it.  


Clearly noticing my predicament, Padmé said, “You can sit down, you know.”  


“There isn’t a chair.”  


Padmé giggled and shook her head. “You can sit on my bed.” Clearly, my eyes went wide, because she quickly added, “It’s not going to burn you.”  


I cleared my throat. “Yes, of course.” I forced a laugh, then sat down, smoothing the front of my robes with my hands. I leant forward, resting my chin on my palm. “Now, tell me about your work in the Senate.”  


And she did. She told me about her work passing bills to limit the power of the Trade Federation after the invasion of Naboo. She told me that she was so moved by my mother and I’s situation on Tatooine, that she fought for more Republic oversight in Hutt Space to enforce anti-slavery laws. She began talking about her current work to reduce tensions between the Confederacy of Independent Systems and The Republic, but my mind soon drifted at the mention of my mother.  


I hadn’t seen her in years. I was ashamed to say I sometimes went weeks at a time without thinking about her. But I always could sense that she was safe, at the very least. Until recently…  


“Ani?” Padmé waved a hand in front of my face, “You’ve been staring blankly at that wall for the last five minutes. Are you alright?”  


I sat up straight again. “I’m fine… Just please, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t call me that anymore.”  


“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s just that-” She cut herself off and then, paused before asking, “What should I call you instead?”  


“Anakin is fine.”  


“Anakin…” she said slowly, as if the name felt unnatural on her tongue, “You’ve really grown up, haven’t you?”  


“It has been ten years. Why wouldn’t I have?”  


“I suppose, it’s just surprising to see the changes all at once.”  


A silence fell between us, stifling the conversation like a thick blanket. I looked out the window at the sun setting between the skyscrapers that stretched across the horizon. The urge to close my eyes was overpowering.  


Padmé finally broke the silence. “You look tired,” she said, “Why don’t you rest? I’m sure Obi-Wan will be back any minute now.”  


“Then, that’s all more reason to stay awake. I’m not planning on leaving you undefended, even if for a few minutes. Our mandate requires we don’t take that risk.”  


“I thought you believed the mandate was ill-advised.”  


_Screw it,_ I thought, _I can’t stay sitting up any longer. If I do, I will pass out._ I sighed and finally lied down, my feet still hanging off the edge of the bed. “I do, in some aspects. But, its caution is justified.”  


The com-link on my belt buzzed and Obi-Wan’s voice came out of it, muffled by my robes. “Anakin,” he said, “Anakin, come in.” _Finally._ I fished the com-link out and pushed the button to activate the hologram. Obi-Wan appeared, with his arms crossed and an expression of muted displeasure on his face.  


“What is it, Master?” I asked.  


“I’m coming upstairs. How is the Senator?” he replied.  


“I’ll let her tell you herself.” I sat up and handed Padmé the com-link, which she took gingerly from my palm.  


“Master Kenobi,” she said, “I’m doing well. I feel my safety is assured, but I still wish for answers. Has your discussion with Captain Typho yielded anything?”  


Obi-Wan shook his head. “No, I’m afraid not.”  


“I see. In that case, your swift return would be appreciated.”  


Obi-Wan chuckled, “Anakin isn’t bothering you, is she?”  


“No, not at all,” Padmé assured him, “Actually, I found our conversation most enlightening.” She shot me an amused look. I smiled back. “But you should return to prevent your Padawan from falling asleep on my floor.”  


“Of course, milady,” Obi-Wan replied. Then, the hologram flickered out.


	3. The Sands Of Time

Gusts of wind ripped through my robes and threw sand into my eyes. Dark clouds obscured the suns above. The smell of smoke permeated the air. Ahead, I could see a few adobe homes encircling a large bonfire. I stumbled forward, the sand shifting under my feet. The air was thick enough to swim through and so hot that I could already feel sweat dripping down my back. Sand gritted between my teeth. I reached an arm out to shield my face from the oncoming storm.  


Then, a scream pierced the air. It was so loud that it nearly knocked me off balance. My breathing quickened and my heart pounded. With that came a horrible realization. I recognized that voice. It was my mother.  


In the distance, a figure tumbled to the ground in front of the bonfire. Two others pointed spears at her as she struggled to crawl away.  


As I ran forward, distance between the village and I grew greater and the sound of the screaming grew fainter. Then, there was silence. I stopped in my tracks. I called out into the darkness. “Mom?!” There was no reply. “Mom!!!” I screamed desperately. Nothing again. The bonfire flickered on the horizon.  


I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and tried to reach out with the Force. My mind was cloudy. I could hardly sense a thing beyond what I had been able to see in front of me. But behind me, I could hear very clearly. The war cry of the Sand People.  


I reached for my belt, but found myself grasping at nothing. _Where is my lightsaber?!_ I turned and saw, for a split second, a club hurtling towards my head. Then, everything went dark.  


As I strained to open my eyes, a figure loomed over me. I reached for my lightsaber again and swung it in front of me as I rustled myself into consciousness.  


“Aghh, Anakin!” the figure yelled, as it jumped back. I blinked until things came into focus. Obi-Wan stood a few feet in front of me, his arms up shielding his face. I looked around and saw the familiar sights of Padmé’s apartment: the floor-to-ceiling windows, the scattered houseplants (which I wasn’t sure whether they were fake) and the plush carpeting at my feet. Everything was illuminated by the blue glow of my saber.  


I extinguished it, then slumped over onto the couch where I had been sleeping. Obi-Wan took a cautious step forward.  


He sighed. “Another nightmare?”  


I rubbed my temples and shook my head, hoping that would somehow rid the images from my mind. It was always my mother in these nightmares. _That had to mean something. She must be in danger._ “They’re getting worse,” I replied, “I can hardly sleep these days.”  


“This assignment likely isn’t making things better.”  


“No, it’s not.”  


Obi-Wan attempted to lighten the mood. “With dark circles like those, I could almost mistake you for a Sith Lord.” It was almost funny enough to merit a laugh, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.  


“Very funny,” I retorted, “I-” A cold wave of the Force washed over me and I sat bolt upright. Instinctually, I ignited my lightsaber, then looked over to Obi-Wan. He still had an eyebrow raised from my response to his joke, but it was now frozen in an expression of alarm.  


“I sense it, too,” he said, as he reached for his lightsaber as well.  


I ran to the door of Padmé’s room, with Obi-Wan in tow, and slid it open with a wave of my hand. The room was dark apart from the columns of light that shone through the blinds. It was enough to spot a poisonous grub crawling across the headboard into Padmé’s hair. Our entrance woke her and as she stirred, she noticed it lurking behind her ear.  


As she opened her mouth to scream, I said, “Don’t move.” She froze, her eyes wide with terror and the grub scuttling down her neck. “Hold still,” I instructed, as I traced the grub’s path with my lightsaber. Padmé held her breath and squeezed her eyes shut. Soon, the grub was just two sizzling halves.  


When glass shattered behind me, I didn’t even have to look to know what Obi-Wan had done. He had jumped through the window. _Of course he did._  


“Are you okay?” I asked Padmé.  


“I am now,” she replied, her voice still shaky.  


“Good.” I glanced over at the now-shattered window. “I have to go.”  


“Yes, yes. Go.” She ushered me away. “Obi-Wan needs you.”  


I spun around and dashed past Padmé’s handmaid, towards the speeder dock. _Let’s hope this doesn’t end with Obi-Wan being scrapped from the sidewalk,_ I thought. I jumped into a yellow speeder after giving it a once-over. While, yes, my first priority was to prevent Obi-Wan from falling out of the sky, my mind drifted.  


Flying came as naturally to me as walking. My thoughts could wander a bit without causing me to crash.  


I scanned the sky up ahead for Obi-Wan. I spotted him, a few hundred feet away, hanging from the assassin droid as it sped across an intersection. I wove through the lanes of oncoming traffic. Flying on Coruscant was chaotic and dangerous, sure, but that wasn’t new to me. As I performed lightning-fast dodges and death-defying stunts in pursuit of Obi-Wan, I felt at peace. With the wind in my hair and the roar of the engines in my ears, this was where I was meant to be.  


A driver shouted something at me in Huttese and threw a metal can at my speeder. I chuckled. All this needed was Sebulba shouting obscenities to turn into a real podrace.  


Up ahead, the assassin droid exploded in a burst of sparks and Obi-Wan dropped out of sight. I put the speeder into a nosedive and followed his descent. I began floating out of my seat, my heart rising towards my throat. Once Obi-Wan was directly above, I pulled the steering wheel to my chest, which began pitching the speeder back up.  


I looked up and over my shoulder. Obi-Wan was still hurtling towards the ground a few feet above. Reaching out one hand and keeping the other on the steering wheel, I tried to pull Obi-Wan onto the speeder with the Force. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the ground rapidly approaching. _Come on, Anakin, make this work,_ I said to myself, as I strained.  


With a thud, Obi-Wan tumbled onto the back of the speeder. Once in his seat, he asked, “What took you so long?” The sarcasm was thick in his voice.  


“Oh, you know, Master,” I replied, “I couldn’t find a speeder I really liked.” Obi-Wan turned to me, his expression deadpan. The fact he wasn’t amused made it all the more funny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vibes playlist on Spotify:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6pNYDc1SL0T5jnM4zWuxUv?si=k7pG7gN9T1-l5NhvnksrhA


	4. Tracking the Assassin

“There he is!” Obi-Wan pointed up ahead at a claw-shaped ship that was weaving between traffic lanes. It turned sharply upward. I revved the engine and our speeder hurtled through the intersection towards the after it.

The ship dove down in the middle of a ring of skyscrapers. I followed, angling the speeder into a sharper and sharper descent. I laughed. When I said I wanted to be a pilot, this was the flying I signed up for.

Unfortunately, it was not what Obi-Wan signed up for. He desperately gripped his speeder, as inertia pulled him up and out of his seat.  


Below, an enormous cargo ship was lumbering into our flight path. _If I can time this just right, we won’t lose a second._  


Obi-Wan was no longer giving me the benefit of the doubt at this point. “Pull up, Anakin!” he shouted, “We’re going to crash!”  


“Just one more second…” I muttered.  


“Pull up!!” Obi-Wan shook my shoulders. I yanked the steering column towards me and the speeder skidded along the top of the cargo ship. Another push of the accelerator kept the race tight between us and the assassin.  


“You know I don’t like it when you do that…” Obi-Wan said, the fear evident in his voice.  


I chuckled. “I forgot you don’t like flying.”  


“I don’t mind flying.” Another sharp turn rocked us in our seats. “But what _you’re_ doing is suicide!”  


“I’d beg to differ.” I banked speeder to avoid a rogue landing platform. “Lucky for you, I’m an excellent pilot.”  


Obi-Wan crossed his arms, then retorted, “Lucky for you, you don’t have a less patient master. Master Windu wouldn’t stand for any of this nonsense.”  


“I thought Master Windu liked me.”  


“He certainly wouldn’t if you were his Padawan.” Obi-Wan pointed up ahead. “There!” he shouted, “He went into that tunnel.” I sped past the entrance and started a wide left turn. “Anakin, you missed him. He went in there.” He pointed behind us.  


“Don’t worry, Master. I know a shortcut.”  


I slowed the speeder to a stop in a multi-level intersection. Below was a drop hundreds of feet straight down. Probably more. The bottom of the chasm was obscured by smog that was illuminated by the dull orange glow of the city. I waited. Obi-Wan was glaring at me, clearly growing impatient. I could sense the assassin getting closer. I could feel it in the Force, like the tide rushing in before a tsunami. All I had to do was time this just right.  


“Well, look what you’ve done,” Obi-Wan complained, “We’ve lost him.”  


I closed my eyes. The rumbling of the ship’s engines rang in my ears, going from a distant whine to dull roar. “I’m sorry, master,” I replied, “Perhaps, I should rely on your wisdom next time.”  


“You really should,” Obi-Wan continued on, “Remember, you are merely a Padawan.” He turned to see me standing on my seat, waiting for the moment. “Anakin? What in the name of-” _Now._  


“If you’ll excuse me,” I said, before I leapt from the speeder and began free-falling towards the assassin’s ship.  


Though I was quickly far away from Obi-Wan, I could practically hear him mutter to himself, “I hate it when she does that.” I smirked. He said that almost as much as “I have a bad feeling about this” and Obi-Wan had a lot of bad feelings about a lot of things. It was practically his second catchphrase at this point. _But hey, what is the job of a Padawan, if not to keep their master on their toes?_  


As I fell, the wind whistling in my ears, I scanned the lanes below. I steered myself to the left, as I spotted the ship in my peripheral vision. _There!_  


I grabbed hold of the crest of the ship, alerting the assassin. She attempted to shake me off, causing me to slide around on the exterior. My fingers squeaked against the paint, as I struggled to keep my grip. She drew her blaster and aimed at me, firing randomly. I slipped and only a fingertip grip prevented me falling to my doom.  


The ship banked, narrowly avoiding a nearby landing platform. I managed to clamber onto the ship’s roof. As I crawled towards the opening, I took my lightsaber from my belt. Then, I ignited it in an attempt to disarm the assassin. She shot back, knocking the saber from my hand. I watched as it flew out of sight behind us. _Damn it! Obi-Wan’s gonna kill me._  


That blaster of hers was causing me so many problems. I tried to wrestle it from her hand. In the struggle, it fired, causing the dashboard to go up in flames. The ship took a sharp dip forward. The assassin fought with the controls as we fell further towards the street below.  


As the ship spun out of control, I held onto the frame for dear life, but my fingers slipped and I tumbled to the ground. When I rose to my feet, I heard a loud metallic crash. Between the heads of onlookers, I spotted a fire raging. Even though my vision was still hazy, I pushed my way through the crowd towards the wreck.  


The assassin hopped out of her ship and tried to disappear into the crowd. _You know, that might have worked if she wasn’t being chased by Jedi. But, she wasn’t so lucky._ I followed her as she cut across a busy street and snuck in a dark alleyway. She kept disappearing behind people’s heads. I bumped into at least three different pedestrians, all of which produced a specific Jedi-related insult. In times like these, the urge to clear the area by Force-pushing everyone was enormous.  


Once out of the alley, the assassin quickly dipped into a club. I stopped in my tracks at the entrance. Obi-Wan ran up beside me, at a leisurely pace. _Did he not realize the urgency of the situation? Or was he messing with me?_ My feet itched to get going. Every second we waited, the further away the assassin would get… the more likely she would escape and try to kill Padmé again.  


I pointed to where she had disappeared into the crowd. “She went into the club, Master,” I said.  


“I know, Anakin,” he replied, “Have patience.”  


“No offense, but I don’t really see the point of that when she may have already gotten away.” Obi-Wan waved away this concern.  


“Slow down and think. He went in there to hide, not run. And he won’t run out this way, as long we’re stood here blocking the exit.”  


I paused a moment and attempted to quiet my racing thoughts. I was all shaken up from the chase and the crash. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Then, I blinked them open and considered what Obi-Wan had told me.  


_Perhaps, this once, I should curb my impulsiveness and follow Obi-Wan’s lead._ “What do you suggest we do, then?”  


“You should flank the assassin and block any escape route through the back.”  


“Alright,” I was satisfied with that plan, so I started walking towards the entrance, “Let’s go.”  


Obi-Wan held an arm out in front of me. “Practice patience and mindfulness, my young apprentice. If you do, you won't forget things like this—” He produced my lightsaber from his sleeve and held it out to me. I reached to grab it but he held on. “Anakin, listen to me,” he instructed, “This weapon is your life. Try not to lose it.” He had a pained expression on his face, as I took the saber from his hand. It wasn’t the first time something like this had happened.  


Obi-Wan led the way into the club. As I crossed the threshold, I was quickly affronted by the smell of alcohol and vomit. I gagged and held my breath. _Yuck. Smells like Tatooine._  


Between coughs, I asked, “What’s your part of the plan?”  


He gestured to the counter at his left. “I’ll be getting a drink.”


	5. A New Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an early update, because I was inspired to write and finished earlier than I expected. Ideally, the next chapter will still be up by next Saturday, but I'm gonna be busy so it might be pushed back a few days.  
> But anyway, happy reading!

“Great,” I muttered to myself as he walked away and I attempted to blend in with the crowd, “Now this will take twice as long.” I didn’t know if I was going to last that long. The putrid smell that filled the club was already making my eyes sting.  


Behind me, there was a great stomping of feet, along with the sound of a glass shattering and a few bar patrons shouting in Huttese. The loudest bellowed something along the lines of “Another round on me!” At least, that’s what I thought it was. My Huttese wasn’t exactly practiced. I liked to keep it that way. The less I thought of the Huttese-speaking creeps on Tatooine, the better. I felt a stab of guilt in my chest. My mother was still there. All alone with Watto, that crusty sleazeball. Or perhaps a worse fate, if my recent nightmares were anything to go off of.  


I glanced across the club and spotted Obi-Wan sitting at the bar, sipping an electric blue cocktail. He waved his hand at a man with antennas who was trying to sell him… I squinted at what the man was holding. _Cigarettes?_ It looked like Obi-Wan was mind-tricking him. That exchange had to be funny. I made a mental note to ask about it later.  


I continued to weave through the crowd, searching for the assassin. I could sense she was still here. _Deceptively close._ A few patrons gave me suggestive glances as I shuffled past them. Usually, the Jedi don’t receive such a warm reception in Coruscant’s underworld. This was honestly unsettling. I glanced back at Obi-Wan. He was still sitting at the bar, holding a now-empty glass. I tried to reach out with the Force to find the assassin. Maybe that would help me, because my eyes and ears weren’t doing me much good at the moment.  


Someone tapped my shoulder. I turned, but there was no one there. Then, there was a sudden blue flash across the room. The patrons’ laughs quickly turned into screams and gasps. I shoved my way through the crowd to find Obi-Wan, with his lightsaber ignited, looming over the assassin, who was crumpled on the floor grasping her stump wrist. Her severed hand lay a few feet away, still holding her blaster.  


Obi-Wan pulled the assassin to her feet and began leading her out a side door. The crowd looked at us with a mix of disgust and fear. _That was the contempt I was expecting._ “Nothing to worry about,” I assured them, “Just Jedi business. Carry on with your drinks.”  


Once outside, the assassin sunk to the ground, groaning and still clutching her wrist. Obi-Wan and I crouched next to her as he asked, “Do you know who it was you were trying to kill?”  


“It was that Senator from Naboo,” she grunted.  


Obi-Wan then asked, “And who hired you?”  


The assassin’s face scrunched into an expression of dismissive skepticism. “It was just a job,” she said. That made my blood boil. I hated these bounty hunter types. To them, Padmé’s life hinged on a paycheck. It was gross. I couldn’t imagine caring that little about someone’s life.  


“Who hired you?” I pressed her for a real answer, barely hiding the anger in my voice, “Tell us.” Her derisive glance only made the anger grow. “Tell us now!”   


“Fine,” she spat, “It was a bounty hunter called-” She choked and began gasping for breath. Then, she slumped over, dead. I turned to see the source of the shot and saw a man in silver Mandalorian armor rocketing up into the sky. That must be our bounty hunter. I looked down to see a dart lodged into her stomach. Her skin had turned olive green and her eyes bulged out from their sockets. Her features had morphed to become more insect-like. _She’s a changeling!_ Whoever this bounty hunter was, he really didn’t want his assination plot to be found out.  


Obi-Wan removed the dart from the dead assassin’s stomach and held it up. It was illuminated pink and blue by the alleyway’s neon light. “Toxic dart,” he remarked. It was unusual looking, with a four-pronged design and notches in the side of each prong.  


“Do you recognize it?” I asked.  


“No...It’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. But, I have a friend who might.”  


* * *  


Obi-Wan and I met with the Jedi Council the next morning to tell them what had transpired. Master Yoda and Master Windu instructed Obi-Wan to investigate this mysterious Mandalorian bounty hunter. As for me, I was assigned to continue protecting Padmé and escort her back to Naboo, alone.  


Obi-Wan stopped me as I reached to knock on the door to Padmé’s apartment. “Anakin,” he said.  


“What?” I replied, barely masking the annoyance in my voice.  


“Before you go in there, I need to be sure you remember the rules the council has put in place for your assignment.”  


I sighed and recited them, “Stay alert and keep a low profile, I know. Believe or not, I actually do listen during Council meetings.” I turned to knock again, then Obi-Wan cleared his throat and looked at me expectantly. “What?” I said. _He can’t keep expecting me to read his mind. I’m not that powerful a Jedi… yet._  


“Remember my additional rule? That I added because you are a Padawan that is often easily distracted?”  


“Yes, yes, I remember.” I crossed my arms, indignantly. “‘No funny business’.”  


Obi-Wan smiled, apparently satisfied with this answer. “Good luck, my young apprentice,” he said as he stepped back from the door.  


I nodded, then replied, “And you, master.”  


He turned to leave, then shouted over his shoulder, “Relax, Anakin. You have the easy part of this mission.” At that moment, I realized I was clenching my jaw. I took a deep breath, then knocked on the door.  


From inside, Padmé called out, “Yes? Who is it?”  


_Take a wild guess at which rule I was going to break._


	6. Haunt Me

Ten years ago, I learned what it meant to be a Jedi. Even then, I wasn’t entirely certain I had made the right choice. Thoughts of how things could have gone differently plagued my mind on the journey back to Naboo for the victory parade. 

I fiddled with my Padawan braid while Obi-Wan attempted to cut the rest of my hair. He had told me to hold onto the braid, so he wouldn’t accidentally cut it in half. For some so skilled with a lightsaber, he was very nervous with scissors. In the reflective metal floors, I could see my silhouette changing. The left side of my hair was now cropped short into a spiky buzz cut. 

I felt a sense of freedom as my hair fell to the ground in chunks. In all of the recent upheaval, it was strangely reassuring. Never again would Watto run his disgusting clawed fingers through my hair when showing me off to a “client”. Now, I was one step further from that hellish life. I still had to call Obi-Wan “Master”, though. I couldn’t stand that. 

He seemed nice enough, but I knew better than to trust him right away. He hadn’t done anything yet, but if he was anything like the men on Tatooine, I would not hesitate to break his fingers. 

“Am I doing something to make you uncomfortable?” he asked, completely unprompted.

“What?” I paused, before saying, “No. I’m fine.” 

“If you are to be my Padawan, I think it would better if you wouldn’t lie to me. It makes things so much more difficult,” he replied, unaffected. I didn’t like that he was getting into my head.

“I’m not lying! I’m fine, I swear,” I shot back, irritated. Another lock of my hair fell to the floor.

“You’ve been through a lot, Anakin. I don’t want to cause any more harm, so you have to be honest with me.” Then, he abruptly set down the scissors and backed away from me, as if he could sense what I was about to do next.

I spun around and shouted, “I don’t _have_ to do anything! You don’t know anything about what I’ve been through!” Obi-Wan didn’t flinch. He just stood there frowning, his brow furrowed. I crossed my arms and sat back down, positively fuming. “Just finish my stupid hair and leave me alone.”

I struggled to hold back the tears that were quickly welling up in my eyes. I sniffled, then tried to wipe them away. Obi-Wan trimmed the right side of my hair, so I didn’t look like a half-shaved Bantha anymore. He didn’t try to give me a reassuring pat or say that it was okay. _None of that stupid crap adults do when they pretend to care about you._

My reflection stared back at me. Despite her teary eyes and flushed cheeks, she wasn’t weak anymore. No more being “Ani”. I was Anakin now. _Anakin Skywalker, the Jedi._

* * *

I watched the speeders and transport ships cross the sky in front of me. Their regular pattern made me feel almost meditative. _If only Obi-Wan could see me now, I’m acting like the Padawan he’s always wanted me to be._ Or maybe, it was because I was still tired. That was entirely possible.

Down the hall, Padmé was giving instructions to Naboo’s junior senator, who would act in her place while we were away. I found myself mesmerized by her, like I often was. Her dress was silver with a royal blue bodice. The fabric shimmered in the light from the windows. She was almost glowing, just like she was when we first met on Tatooine. So beautiful, she haunted my dreams.

She glanced back at me, with an eyebrow raised. I hurriedly turned back towards the window and adjusted my cloak. _Oops. I was totally staring._ Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Padmé walking with purpose in my direction, her face scrunched up in annoyance. I tried inching away, closer to the window, as if that would help.

“Tell your Jedi Council that I still don’t approve of this hiding business,” she said, as she stormed past me.

“I don’t think they’ll answer if I call them,” I replied. She shot an unamused look at me over her shoulder. “Alright,” I muttered, “Not the time for jokes, I see.” _How does Obi-Wan do it?_

“You’re right, it isn’t time for jokes. The fate of the Republic is at stake.” I followed Padmé into her bedroom where she was packing up her things.

“You really think so?”

“The Military Creation Act is the beginning of a slippery slope. I’ve been working for a year to convince the other Senators of that,” she explained, “I need to be there for the vote.” She didn’t actually have to cast the vote herself. The junior senator could do that. This was a matter of principle. I understood that, but—

“Sometimes duty demands we be elsewhere.”

“Oh, I’m sure you would know,” she shot back, her words tinged with vitriol. 

I quickly added, “I didn’t mean to offend you, milady.”

Padmé sighed and shook her head. “It’s fine, you’re right. I’m just-” She cut herself off, then tried her best to smile, “I suppose things could be worse.”

“You could be dead.” I said this with a light-hearted tone, but a sick feeling sank in my stomach.

“I very well could be, if it weren’t for Captain Typho’s foresight.” A fierce protective instinct welled up in me. Back at the landing platform, she had been mere feet away from certain death. _Why is this bothering me so much? I don’t act this way on other assignments._ Obi-Wan and I were always in some sort of danger and it didn’t give me anxiety like this. _Weird. It must be because this is my first mission alone. Sure. That’s it._

Padmé cleared her throat in the ensuing silence, then she went back to folding clothes and putting them in her suitcase. I stood across the room from her, my hands stuffed awkwardly into the pockets of my robes. 

“You seem nervous,” she said, without looking up.

I chuckled. “That would be an understatement.”

“Is this your first mission alone?” She looked down at her half-full suitcase pensively. Reaching out a hand, she said, “Would you please pass me my datapad? It’s on the desk next to you.” 

“Oh, of course.” I reached for it and found that, hidden underneath it, was the japor snippet I had carved for her all those years ago. I froze. _She thought about me. She really did._

“Anakin?”

“Huh?” 

Padmé laughed. “Anakin,” she repeated, “You never answered my question.”

“Oh, right. First mission alone. Yes. That’s what this is.” I passed her the datapad and snuck the japor snippet into her suitcase while she wasn’t looking.

“So eloquent,” Padmé teased. 

“I usually leave the eloquence up to Obi-Wan,” I replied. 

“I’m sure you do.” Her laughter was soft and airy, like silk. And that day, I wanted nothing more but to wrap myself in silk and stay in that calm. Unfortunately, the anxiety quickly returned and I was left grasping for a moment that had already slipped away into the past. I worried that, one day, I would lose her. That she would slip between my fingers, like a rush of winter air, like a ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, here is the link to the spotify playlist if y'all are interested. I add to it all the time, so if you checked it before, it's probably changed by now. Happy listening and happy reading!  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6pNYDc1SL0T5jnM4zWuxUv?si=OQDxS7YIRxiSFHPQsZyJzQ


	7. Personal Matters

“Am I the only one who thinks this poncho is a bad disguise?” I wondered aloud. _I mean, my Padawan braid is conspicuous as hell. The least I could do was hide it with a hood… or something?_

Obi-Wan, who was sitting next to me, replied, “As long as you don’t give people things to notice, everything will be fine.” His arms were crossed over his chest and he tapped the toe of his boot nervously. 

Padmé, her handmaid Dormé, and Captain Typho sat across the aisle from us, chatting about communication plans. 

I fidgeted with my braid. “I just think I should hide it somehow. Maybe it’s too noticeable,” I suggested, but Obi-Wan was quick to disagree.

“If you’re trying to use this as an excuse to cut it off early, it’s not going to work. You’ll have to wait for the trials for that.”

“I think I’m ready,” I said, matter-of-factly. Obi-Wan frowned and furrowed his brow.

“We’ve been over this, Anakin,” he said, with a sigh, “You’re far too unpredictable. Yes, you have skills, you are powerful with the Force, but you don’t have the control necessary to be a responsible Knight.”

“But-” _What if we needed to be unpredictable? What if that was why the Sith have evaded us all this time?_

Obi-Wan cut me off. “We’re done discussing this.” 

I glanced over at Padmé. She looked at Obi-Wan and I with a puzzled expression. Captain Typho interrupted this strange staring contest by calling Obi-Wan over. I was left to stew in my frustration.

The transport pulled into the space port and came to an abrupt stop. I stood, reaching for the luggage stowed away above our heads. I had forgotten how heavy the bags were, because once I pulled one off the shelf, it slammed to the floor and nearly knocked me over. I cringed from the sound. Everyone jumped and R2-D2 rolled towards me beeping furiously. 

“Sorry, everyone,” I mumbled.

“Perhaps I should take one of those,” Padmé offered. 

I tried to reach for one of the bags I had dropped, but Obi-Wan picked it up first and handed it to her. He raised his eyebrows at me in alarm. I shrugged.

“Well, here we are,” he said. He placed a hand on my shoulder. “May the Force be with you, Anakin.”

“And you, Master." I turned to Padmé. “Well, then let’s go.” I stepped towards the door, but stopped when Obi-Wan spoke up again. 

“I _will_ be keeping in touch.” He said it like a threat. 

“I’m sure I’ll have only good things to report,” I assured him. I stepped down onto the landing platform. He nodded, before returning to the conversation happening between Captain Typho and Dormé. 

Padmé and I walked in silence for a while, with R2 between us. I kept finding myself glancing over at her, checking if she was still there. _Why am I getting this feeling that she’s going to vanish?_

“Anakin?” Padmé tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. “Are you alright?”

“What? Oh, I’m-I’m fine.” _I guess, I was staring… again._

“You always looked so troubled. Is there something going on that I don’t know about it?”

The refugee ship we were going to board quickly grew near. I rolled my shoulders back and attempted to look unbothered before asking, “Can’t we talk about this later?”

“If it’s important, I think I ought to know now. The Jedi Council should know better than to hide things from me.”

“Padmé, it’s not-”

She stopped in her tracks, causing R2 to bump into her legs. “What is it?!”

“It’s a personal matter, okay?!” I snapped at her, “It’s got nothing to do with you.”

Her expression quickly shifted from one of frustration to concern. “I’m sorry, I just assumed-” I started walking again and Padmé followed a few steps behind.

“It’s fine. You’re scared, too. I understand. I should keep my worries out of this mission, anyway.”

“No, don’t apologize. I was the one out of line.” Another silence.

I stepped up onto the ramp, carrying some of our luggage. Padmé draped a veil over her face and headdress. Then, she followed me, carrying our remaining bag. No one gave us as a second glance as we made our way to sit down. With my poncho and her ordinary brown dress, we fit right in.

Padmé graciously accepted the rations that were handed to us. The tray had two bowls of bone broth and some hardtack biscuits. She set it down on the table between us and gingerly picked up a biscuit, lifting her veil to take a bite. Even though I couldn’t fully see her face, I could tell it was clearly taking more effort than she had anticipated. I was barely able to stifle my laughter.

“What are you laughing at?” was her muffled response.

“You’re supposed to dip those in the soup. Otherwise, they’re too tough to chew.”

“I see,” she said, removing the dented, but still unbroken biscuit from her mouth. “What would I do without you, Anakin?” she joked. As always, I couldn’t help but smile.

“I don’t know. That’s a good question.” 

If you saw us from far away, you might think we were merely a nice young couple making our way across the galaxy. I was strangely comforted by that thought. It was a far cry from the truth of the senator and her loyal Jedi protector. 

“In all this seriousness,” she said, as she rested her hand on mine, “I’m glad you were the one assigned to protect me. Other Jedi are frightfully boring and… well, I’ve missed you. We didn’t have the chance to become friends back then, but I think we can now.”

Her words were telling me one thing, but her lingering touch on my hand said something else. I wasn’t quite sure if I believed it.

“Sure, Padmé. That sounds great,” I replied, awkwardly. I grabbed my bowl of broth and started drinking it to try to end the conversation. Even with all of my staring and waxing poetic, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to come out of this relationship of ours. But maybe, she knew. And honestly, if she did, I was alright with going along for the ride.


	8. Monsters In The Dark

“...Anakin… Anakin!” 

“Huh?” I blinked my eyes open. Padmé was still seated in the chair across from me, but she was leaning forward trying to get my attention. I shifted my shoulders, trying to wring the stiffness out of my body.

“So much for not leaving me undefended,” she said, with a mischievous smile.

“What? Oh, blast… Was I asleep? I’m terribly sorry, milady," I replied, my formal tone returning on instinct.

“Don’t worry, Anakin. I’m just teasing you,” she replied, “But yes, you were asleep and you’re rather talkative.” _Oh no, that's made everything so much worse._

I bit my lip, then asked, in a hushed tone, “Nothing that would blow our cover, right?”

She whispered back, “Nothing like that. It was just a lot of mumbling.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “So… We’ve got how long left on this ship?” 

Padmé glanced around at the other passengers, seemingly to assess their levels of patience and fatigue. “I’d say, a few more hours, perhaps.” She tapped her fingers on the table, idly, and glanced around the room some more in the silence that followed.

We were surrounded by people of all walks of life. A Twi’lek man with his three young children. A Mirialan woman who was rubbing her hands together and looking around nervously. _Maybe she was hiding, like us._ As a Jedi, I was constantly reminded that, while the Republic as a whole may have been at peace, war raged across the galaxy. There were civil wars, trade embargos, droughts and famines. Strife and pain were everywhere. They were just a little bit harder to see. 

“You’re funny,” Padmé said abruptly, “Do you have anything to lighten the mood?”

I took a moment to think, then remembered, “I do, actually! When Obi-Wan and I were chasing that assassin, we tracked her to a club-”

“I don’t see how threats to my life are funny.”

“It’s not- it’s just- I’m getting there, okay? I promise.”

Padmé waved this away, “Very well, carry on.”

“So we track her to this club and Obi-Wan decides to get a drink.”

“As Jedi do,” Padmé interjected.

“Yes, as they do. That’s completely normal. Anyway, I was doing all the work and Obi-Wan was getting tipsy. This guy sits next to him and tries to sell him ‘deathsticks’.”

“Are those cigarettes?”

“I’m assuming they are,” I shrugged, “So guess what Obi-Wan does… he mind-tricks this guy.” I tried to give my best impression of Obi-Wan with all the gravitas I could muster. The deathsticks guy had a squeaky voice, because that was the only other silly voice I could do. Padmé laughed, then gazed off into the distance.

“Have you ever done something like that?”

“Told someone to rethink their life?”

Padmé shook her head and smiled, “No, a mind trick. They seem like they’d be very useful.”

“I haven’t done one successfully, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m not very good at them,” I explained, “According to Master Obi-Wan, they require finesse. And that’s not my strongest suit.”

“I see. Well, if you ever do learn, don’t be afraid to let me know. There’s many Senators I wish would rethink their lives,” she said.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Oh, well, actually… that’s probably not very Jedi-like. Wouldn’t I be acting selfishly?”

“Not at all,” I assured her, “You’re a kind person. You want what’s best for people and those Senators obviously don’t,” I added, with a cheeky smile, “You’d make a fine Jedi.”

“Oh, would I?” she replied, feigning surprise. She added, on a more serious note, “I think I love my family far too much to leave them behind. Aren’t Jedi not allowed to have families?”

“I have my mother, though I think the Council would prefer if I didn’t.”

“They don’t want you to have someone you’d place above your commitment to the order,” Padmé said, ruefully.

“Exactly.”

There was a long silence between us. I couldn’t tell what she was feeling. My mind was cloudy, like it was full of mist… _or soup._ Maybe I was still hungry.

She finally spoke up. “That seems lonely.” She was right, she was so right. Maybe that’s why I wanted her so bad. No no no, Anakin. Stop saying that. It can’t happen. Absolutely no way. 

“It’s…” I trailed off. I really wanted to tell her the truth, but that would lead this conversation further down a forbidden road. “...it’s fine. I’m able to travel the galaxy and help people. How could I be lonely?” _Defensive much, Anakin?_

“Oh, right,” Padmé replied, sadness tinging her words. It almost sounded as if she was disappointed. She looked down and drew circles with her finger in the velvety fabric of her dress.

Without thinking, I said, “I’m sorry.”

She looked up. “Why are you apologizing?”

“I’m worried that I’ve upset you.” 

“No, I’m alright,” she assured me. It was obvious that she was lying, but I wasn’t going to press her on the issue. I knew as well as she did that nothing good could come out of this. But the urge lingered in the back of my mind, tumultuous and barely tethered. 

That little voice in my head shouted for me to say something, to give her sign. I ignored its cries and in response to what Padmé had said, merely nodded calmly. In the silence, the roaring current of my thoughts finally slowed to a quiet stream. The bright lights dimmed. 

My thoughts drifted to the japor snippet tucked away in the dark crevices of Padmé’s suitcase. It was cradled by the silken folds of her gowns and sheltered by their shadows. 

But monsters so often lurk in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anakin and Padme talking about the deathsticks incident is my two brain cells every time I try to tell a story. Constantly interrupting each other and causing general chaos. 
> 
> But anyway, thanks for all the kudos and nice comments! They're very much appreciated. I'm glad you are all having as much fun with this as I am.


	9. Memories

Naboo was beautiful. I had only been there a few hours, but it was the sort of place that made you want to stay a lifetime. The air was cool and crisp, as was the water. I leant over the side of the gondola and ran my fingers across the canal’s mirror-like surface. I saw my reflection. She was smiling, but her eyes betrayed her. The scared little girl from Tatooine was fighting to get to the surface. 

Padmé’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. “I knew you’d like it here,” she said, her lips forming a coy smile. She was right. This place was like heaven, for lack of a better word.

“Yes,” I replied, my eyes still fixed on my reflection, “It’s... nice.” I reached my hand into the water and broke the surface. My reflection warped and melted away. I finally looked up at my surroundings. On either side of the canal, rolling hills stretched towards the horizon. Between them, the landscape was dotted with lakes, connected by more canals. At their banks were estates, much like the one we were traveling to, with sandstone facades and green copper domes. They looked like they could be palaces. A family couldn’t possibly have one of those all to themselves.

“Anakin?” Padmé finally broke the silence.

I turned to her, “What is it?”

“Is something on your mind? You seem preoccupied.” She folded her hands in her lap and forced a smile. Why she was doing that was beyond me.

“Well, I was wondering one thing, actually,” I said, “How did you find this place?”

“I used to come here on school retreat when I was young. It felt safe... I suppose that’s why I wanted to come back.” The gondola pulled to a stop a short walk from the house. I stepped up onto the cobblestone walkway and helped Padmé up out of the boat. The sheer train of her dress dipped into the water as she stepped over the gap. Her grip on my hand lingered. I tried my best not to think about it.

“I bet you have a lot of pleasant memories here.”

Padmé looked down and smiled. “I do. Sometimes, I think that… no, no, it’s silly. You don’t want to hear about that.”

“No, what is it? I’m sure it’s not silly. And even, if it is, that doesn’t mean it’s not important.”

“Alright, then. I… Sometimes, I like to think that the memories I’ve made here, that they become part of this place. That… they’ve made an impact somehow.”

I knew what she meant. I could hear the children’s laughter, the wind rushing through tall grass. The air smelled of sweet flowers and tea cakes. “You’re right,” I said, “Your memories do live here, in the Force.”

She didn’t respond right away. My boots shuffled over the cobbles as we walked in relative quiet. Then, she asked, “You’re not just saying that to mess with me?”

“No, of course not,” I explained, “I didn’t think I had a track record of doing that.”

“Oh, alright. Good. That makes me feel better about all of this.” 

As always, I buried my hands in the pockets of my robes to avoid fidgeting. “Were you worried before?”

“A little.” She shrugged.

I tried to reassure her. I don’t think I did a great job. “If you were, you certainly didn’t show it.” _Oh no, that sounded… not how I meant it. How did I want it to sound?_ “That didn’t sound as good out loud as it did in my head. That was supposed to be a compliment, but uh…” I trailed off. In addition to not really knowing why I had said that in the first place, I also didn’t know where I was going with this explanation.

Padmé laughed. “Don’t worry, Anakin. You didn’t offend me.” She looked down and off to the side, a blush creeping up her cheeks. “I appreciate the sentiment.”

I honestly couldn’t explain it, but I was blushing too.

* * *

My communicator buzzed to life somewhere in the folds of my robes. Obi-Wan’s muffled voice came out of it, asking, “Are you there, Anakin?” I must have put some of this on backwards, because _seriously, how did it end by my shoulder blade?_ I dug my hand back there and finally fished it out.

I attempted to compose myself and then pushed the button to receive the call. “I’m here, Master. What is it?” 

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. “You look a bit more disheveled than I remember. Did something happen?”

“No, no, no, nothing happened. I just lost my communicator in a back pocket in my robes… A pocket I didn’t know existed.”

Obi-Wan laughed. “That does happen from time to time.”

“Why are you calling again?” I found myself repeatedly glancing out of the open door of the room. Across the hall was Padmé’s room. It had been a few minutes since I had heard anything. Perhaps, I should check on her again.

“Anakin, you seem distracted.”

“What? No. I’m merely checking in on the Senator.”

Obi-Wan folded his arms and said, skeptically, “From the other side of a closed door?” I rolled my eyes. He was always rife with “bad feelings” about things on our missions. Surely, he should understand I was feeling the same way. “Things are going well, otherwise?”

“I haven’t accidentally offended her yet.” All things considered, we were getting along fantastically. When Obi-Wan and I were assigned this mission, I was so worried she wouldn’t like me anymore. Or worse, that she would have changed. 

“I meant with her safety.”

“Oh, right.” _Maybe I am distracted._ “It’s been fine. No one suspected us on the transport. Padmé will update Captain Typho on the situation as soon as she’s finished unpacking.”

“That’s a relief. It’s good to know Senator Amidala is in good hands.”

“You don’t say that with much confidence.”

“It’s your first mission alone. I would have rather it not played out this way.”

“Don’t you trust me, Master? I’m strong enough to protect Padmé.”

Obi-Wan shook his head and gestured to no one in particular. “It was never a matter of strength. And the fact that you think it is, that’s exactly the problem. In order to progress, you need the wisdom to know when to use force and when to favor subtlety. So, in short, I don’t trust you. As much I’d like to, I can’t.”

“But- What can I do? How do I know what to do?”

“You can start by listening to me, for a change.”

Before I could muster a reply, a high-pitched voice shouted from behind Obi-Wan, startling him. “Master Kenobi!”

He turned dramatically to the source of the voice and sighed. “What?!” he asked, clearly irritated.

“The Council needs you.” I could tell the voice was a Padawan, or maybe even a Youngling, by the sound of it.

His voice softened, as it always did when talking to children. “I must apologize for raising my voice. I’ll be there right away.” He turned back to me and shook his head. He gave me the _I’m-not-mad-just-disappointed_ face. “We’ll talk later.”

“Of course, Master…” I said, as he hung up.

There was a knock on the doorframe. I looked up to see Padmé peeking her head out from behind the wall. 

“Am I interrupting?” she asked. I shook my head and beckoned her into the room. We stood together in silence for a moment. My shoulders slumped. I couldn’t meet her eyes. Suddenly, her tone changed, “Why don’t we do something fun?”

To be perfectly honest, I was a bit startled by this sudden question. “Like what?”

“Let’s explore.”

I couldn’t say no to those big, brown eyes of hers. _Not by a long shot._


	10. The Lake

We walked away from the house, down a gravel path, to the lake. Padmé had insisted I had to see it up close, dip my toes in the water, even. I agreed, with the excuse that, if she was going, I had to accompany her, for her safety, of course. _No other reason._

Padmé sat down on the sandy ground and looked up at me expectantly.

“What?” I said.

“Why are you still standing there?” she asked, as she wrenched one of her heels off her foot. She wiggled her toes in the sand. I couldn’t imagine that would be comfortable.

I didn’t answer. 

“You can swim, can't you?” she asked, playfully.

I sighed, “I can… just not… particularly well. Growing up on a desert planet didn’t give me many opportunities to practice.”

“Well, the water isn’t too deep, so I think you’ll be fine.” She smiled up at me, but her warmth did nothing to stop the shiver that ran down my spine.

“I’m sure,” was my hollow reply. I looked out at the lake. Its waves formed a familiar shape on the horizon. No matter how far I got from home, I was still haunted by it. If I squinted, the waves became sand dunes and the puffy clouds became a desert storm.

Padmé rose to her feet and was about to take a step towards the lake, but stopped. “Aren’t you coming?” she asked.

“Uh- yes.”

“Then why haven’t you taken off your shoes?” While Padmé had changed into a flowing sheer dress since our arrival, I was still dressed in my Jedi uniform, which included boots. And I was not planning on taking them off and letting my feet touch _sand._

“Because I wasn’t going to…” I failed miserably to muster an excuse.

“But they’ll get soaked, won’t you be uncomfortable?” _Not as uncomfortable as I’ll be if I touch sand._

“A small sacrifice to make in order to avoid touching sand.”

“You hate sand?” Padmé asked, barely stifling a laugh.

“It’s rough and scratchy and terrible. Who would like that?”

“I do, sometimes. It’s warm in the summer. It’s a bit annoying to get out of your clothes, but in the end, it’s not a big deal.” My expression didn’t change. “Or maybe, it is a big deal… for you? Bad memories?”

“You could say that.” To say they were bad memories was to put it lightly. 

“Why don’t you keep your boots on, then,” Padmé suggested, taking my hand, “Let’s go.”

Padmé pulled me along with her, as she stepped into the lake. She sat down in the knee-deep water, the layers of her dress floating around her. I stayed standing. Because of my boots, I was actually still dry and I was intent on keeping myself that way. 

I heard a faint buzzing in the distance. _Probably just some bugs._ It was summer, anyway.

Padmé flicked some water at me. “You’re no fun,” she said, “You’re _still_ standing there.”

“I’m in the water, aren’t I?”

She crossed her arms in annoyance. “Oh, come on, Anakin. I was forced into hiding after not one, but two assination attempts and now I have to do nothing for an entire week. I might as well have some fun while I’m stuck here. You should too. You’re bringing down the whole mood. You’re like a walking rain cloud.”

“No, I’m not,” I protested, crossing my arms to mirror her.

“Yes, you are. You’re spending a lovely summer’s day at a lake with me, and you’re completely dry.”

“I need to protect you. I can’t let my guard down.”

“There’s no one but us for miles. You need to relax. Be realistic.”

I sighed. “Fine. Here, I’ll even sit with you.”

“That’s the spirit.” I sat in the water beside her and leaned back on my hands. I tried my best to be a bit more relaxed. Padmé let her hair down and shook it out, so her curls flowed free.

“So…” I said, in the ensuing silence, “What now?” 

“I have an idea, but it’s awfully childish.”

“There’s no one around to judge you.”

“True.” She stood up, then declared, “I’m going to do a cartwheel.” I could barely stifle a laugh. “Hey! You said you wouldn’t judge me.”

“I’m not, I swear,” I said, still giggling, “It just took me by surprise. Do it.”

She put her hands up and started to get momentum for the cartwheel but stopped herself. “Actually, maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

“C’mon, Padmé. Don’t chicken out.”

“What if I fall on my head?”

“You won’t. And if you do it, I’ll uh… I’ll do a backflip.”

“You can do a backflip?” 

“Yes, that’s your motivation.” _Well, I can usually do one. Let’s hope it works._

“Alright, then.” Padmé attempted a cartwheel. I couldn’t say it was successful. She arched through the air before splashing in the water and landing on her butt. She laughed, I laughed, a grand time was had by all. I almost forgot what I had said about doing a backflip, until-

“So about that backflip…”

“I had hoped you’d forget about that.”

“Never. Now, do it. I’m sure you’ll be more graceful than me.”

I also made an attempt. I was also rather unsuccessful. I landed on my feet at first, but the momentum combined with the slippery sand caused me to lose balance and fall over. Padmé laughed and splashed me with water.

“I take back what I said about grace,” she said, once she composed herself.

“Hey, at least I didn’t fall on my head. And neither did you.” Once again, I heard buzzing. Whatever bug was making that sound sure was persistent. Padmé seemed unbothered by the sound.

“That’s right. We both survived,” she said.

“We sure did.” I laughed weakly, before another silence fell between us. Padmé crawled towards me and sat across from me.

“Anakin,” she suddenly adopted a more serious tone.

“Yeah?”

“I think you know why we’re here.”

I didn’t really understand what she meant by that. I went with the literal answer at first. “There was an attempt on your life and we’re in hiding? Obviously?”

She shook her head and laughed, as if she knew a secret I wasn’t privy to. “No, not here as in Naboo. Here, as in at this lake…” She took a long pause for emphasis. “Alone.”

“You wanted to tell me something… secret?” My mind was practically racing. I kept asking myself _‘What’s happening?’_

“Good guess, but not quite.” She crawled closer, placing one of her hands on my leg.

At that moment, I had a feeling we were thinking the same thing. Something I had assumed was off the table before now. Something I had forced myself not to think about for the last few days I had been with her. Something entirely forbidden.

Her face was mere inches from mine. “I think,” I said, “I think I know what’s happening here, but I’m not sure I believe it.”

“Oh, Anakin, you’re so oblivious.” She was about to lean away from me and give up on this whole endeavor. Then, everything came together in my mind.

I took her face in my hands and kissed her. It was a strange feeling, her lips against mine. Her red lipstick stained my mouth. Just like that, she had left her mark on my heart. I knew that I would have to lie, when the mission ended, even when this moment ended. I would have to lie and say that there was nothing between us. That I hadn’t kissed her. That I wasn’t in love with her. That I was still a good Jedi. That I hadn’t done the one thing I was told not to do. 

Obi-Wan’s instructions for the mission rang in my ears. “No funny business,” he had said. I had laughed at the time, but maybe I should have taken that advice to heart. I couldn’t go back now. Though, I didn’t want to go back. Even with the fear settling in the back of my mind, I much preferred this to watching Padmé from across the room and wishing the Jedi Order and its obligations would all go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last, I have returned! Okay, I'm joking, it's only been two weeks. I'm only saying this because, since I started writing this fic, I haven't taken an off-week. So it feels like forever.
> 
> But anyway, I'm back and I'm ready to attempt to write some actual romance.
> 
> Thanks for reading, y'all.


	11. Obligations

I finally recognized the buzzing that had been in my ears for the last few minutes. Padmé froze, her arms still tangled around me.

“You hear it too?” I asked her.

She nodded. “Yes.”

“And it’s not an insect.”

“It most certainly isn’t.”

“It’s the Captain, right?”

“I’m sure it is.” Padmé stood and pulled me to my feet as well. “He tends to call at inopportune times.” 

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really? Do you often find yourself in situations like this?”

“Oh, shut up, would you? Not everyone is bound to the Jedi Code.” She waded to shore and scrambled to pick up the communicator. Before she clicked the button to receive the call, she turned to me and said, “You’ve got something on your face.”

“Right,” I replied, as I wiped my mouth on a dark sleeve of my robes. Padmé wiped the dripping water off her face and pushed her loose curls back.

A blue hologram of Captain Typho sprung out of the communicator disk. Beside him stood Dormé, dressed in an elaborate gown and clearly impersonating Padmé. I mimicked one of Obi-Wan’s thinking poses to hide the extremely obvious red stain next to my mouth. _Wouldn’t want to raise suspicion._

“Captain Typho, lovely to see you.” Padmé smiled and folded her hands formally. I stealthily stepped behind Padmé. I wasn’t sure if I was in range of the hologram sensor, but I didn’t want to risk it.

“It’s good to see you in one piece, Senator Amidala. I was worried when I couldn’t get into contact with you earlier. Is everything alright? And where’s the Jedi?” Typho leaned to try to look behind her.

“All my fault. You see, I set my communicator down by mistake,” Padmé explained, frantically, “Everything’s fine, I can assure you.”

Captain Typho seemed unconvinced. “What about the Jedi?”

I poked my head out from behind Padmé. I was a few inches taller than her, but my ducking, combined with the volume of Padmé’s dress hid me, albeit barely. “Hello, Captain,” I said, with a wave that was intended to be diplomatic. I could see that Dormé was trying to suppress a laugh.

“Why were you hiding back there?” Typho asked.

“No reason.”

Typho sighed and shook his head. “Jedi…” he muttered to himself. He turned back to Padmé. “Senator, you need to be there when I check in. You must understand how dangerous this situation is.”

She bowed her head. “I know. It won’t happen again, I promise.” Typho nodded and his hologram vanished. Padmé let out a heavy sigh, then sat down to put her shoes back on. I sat beside her, drumming my fingers on my knee in a bout of nerves.

“So…” I said, “You like girls too, huh?”

“I tried my best to find a subtle way of letting you know. And it didn’t work.”

I shrugged. “Master Obi-Wan has always said I was a bit dense.”

“Master Kenobi is wrong. If there’s another I know about you, it’s that you’re not stupid. You can’t read social cues, that’s all.” 

I thought about that for a few moments. I really did lack subtlety and “finesse”, as Obi-Wan would put it. I was still an effective Jedi, for the most part, even if my master didn’t think so. “I think you might be right.”

“My sister Sola is like that, too. She’s always taking things literally. I’ve grown accustomed to it. Perhaps, that’s part of why you and I get along so well.” She placed her hand on my hand to ease my nervousness. Her neatly manicured fingers stroked my calloused knuckles.

I tried to change the subject back to what had just happened. _The kiss._ “Well,” I said, “Now that we’ve covered why I didn’t catch on to the hints, can we talk about what just happened?”

Padmé pulled her hand back suddenly, as if realizing what she was doing subconsciously. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done it,” she said, not meeting my gaze, “I know the Jedi aren’t allowed to… partake in that sort of thing.”

“No, this isn’t about the code. It’s just- I’ve been thinking about you ever since we first met. That was ten years ago. I spent ten years thinking there was something wrong with me… because of you.” 

Padmé opened her mouth to protest. “I didn’t-”

“It’s not your fault, I know.” 

“I’m sorry,” she said, her head hung low, “If it makes you feel any better, I felt the same way, for a time.” 

I looked up at her. “Really? When?”

“A few years ago, I worked for the Naboo senate delegation as an intern. I met a girl. Her name was Riyo. She was part of the delegation for Pantora, a moon in the Outer Rim. We worked together on negotiations with the Trade Federation. We were both so passionate about our work. Her homeworld had been blockaded as well. We were both angry about our planet’s struggles being dismissed, about being dismissed ourselves. We had a lot in common…” she trailed off, looking at the horizon wistfully.

“What happened?”

“She didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about her. I just- I remember her expression when I told her. I can still see it in my mind. She looked disgusted. I know she didn’t mean it, but I can’t say it didn’t affect me.”

“To be honest, I was worried you were going to do that to me. Did you worry I was going to react like that?”

“No.”

“What made you so sure?”

“Anakin, you may not be able to read social cues, but you can produce some, even if it is unknowingly. I could tell you had feelings for me.”

“I suppose that’s… reassuring.” Even though things between Padmé and I seemed to be a certainty, a sick feeling settled in my stomach. I had said the Jedi Code was irrelevant. I don’t think I truly believed that. “Now what?”

“Well, I don’t think I’ll be able to return to Coruscant very soon, so… I think we can have some fun for a while.” Her lips formed a devilish smile.

“Does that mean I get to kiss you again?”

She placed her finger on my lips. “Yes, but not now. I’ve got some work to do. Just because I was forced into hiding doesn’t mean I’ve stopped being a senator.”

“Of course, _milady_.” I stood and bowed dramatically. Padmé laughed and playfully slapped my arm.

“Oh, you’re so silly. It’s a miracle you survive with Master Kenobi around.”

I took her hand and brought her to her feet. “You’d be surprised. He’s actually worse than me.” 


	12. Innocence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything's been pretty chill up until now, but now things have gotten serious so...
> 
> CW for mentions of sexual assault
> 
> You have been warned.

I couldn’t open my eyes. Sand flew through the air, scraping against my skin. The wind howled its mournful cry. Then, a desperate scream pierced the noise. It was quickly cut short by the loud crack of leather on skin. 

The source of the scream was breathing heavily. “Stop! Please!” she pleaded. 

“Shut up,” a man’s gruff voice barked at her. This time the blow was heavy, most likely a fist, and sent the woman tumbling to the ground.

I reached out into the thick, dust-filled air. With my eyes open just a sliver, I realized I didn’t recognize my hand or my arm. My Jedi robes were replaced with my old tunic and my hands were small and child-like. A few feet beyond that, I saw the shadow of a woman sprawled across the ground. I wanted to cry out, but my voice caught in my throat. I couldn’t see her face, but I knew. _It was my mother. Why was it always my mother?_

The man looming over her called out into the storm, as if it wasn’t even there. “What am I s’posed to do with this, huh?” He kicked my mother in the stomach, causing her to whimper in pain and roll across the ground towards me, breaking through the wall of sand and wind between us. “Worthless kriffin’ slave,” he muttered to himself.

I dragged my mother towards me and propped her up in my lap. “Mom!” I whispered, trying to rouse her from her half-consciousness, “Mom, can you hear me?” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “Mom, it’s me!” I pleaded with her, “It’s Anakin!” 

I had never seen her beaten quite like this before. Her eyes were purple and swollen. Dried blood was collected under her nose. Small cuts and bruises littered her cheeks, forehead and chin. Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried, in vain, to wake her up.

“Get me another one, Toydarian,” the man barked, “Get me one that won’t fight! Give me what I paid for.” 

Watto’s winged silhouette appeared next to him. He held a small pile of credits in his clawed fingers. He studied it intently as he said, “You got what you paid for. You said you wanted time with one of my slaves. I gave you time with one of my slaves. You’re not getting your credits back.”

“I’ll remind the Hutts of your debts, then!”

“No, no! Don’t remind them. You know what, fine. I’ve got another slave, but don’t break anything important. She’s still… young.” Both Watto and the man looked in my direction. I couldn’t see their faces, but I could tell there was malice in their eyes.

The man reached through the sandstorm and grabbed my arm, yanking me to my feet.

My mother fell to the ground with a thud. She cried out, weakly. “Ani…” she said, struggling to lift her arm from the sand.

I tried bracing myself against the ground, digging my feet in to drag myself back. I couldn’t muster the strength. I couldn’t even scream. When I opened my mouth, the sand in the air coated my tongue and clogged my throat. I could hardly breathe. My mother faded away into the distance. 

The man’s grip on my arm grew even tighter. The winds became even stronger. _I wouldn’t let this happen again. I couldn’t._

A different hand grabbed my remaining arm and pulled me back. Despite its force, this grip was gentle… and strangely familiar. The man fought against this new force, trying to pull me further into the storm.

The wind called out to me.

Everything began to slip away, except the iron grips holding me up by my arms. Darkness fell over the desert scene. The hollow sound of the wind disappeared. The silence was like cotton stuffed in my ears. Then, there came a voice.

  


_“Wake up.”_

  


My eyes flung open. The sand and wind were gone. My mother, Watto and the man had vanished. I was met with Padmé, whose face was haloed by the sunrise behind her. She sat on the edge of the bed I was sprawled across, her hand on my shoulder. She must have been shaking me awake.

“Padmé?” I said, groggily. I felt as if I had been pushed into the mattress. My back ached and my head was pounding.

“Are you alright?” she leaned towards me, her hand moving to rest on my cheek.

“I think so…” I sat up and rubbed my eyes, “Just had a nightmare, that’s all.” My memory of it was becoming hazy, but one thing stayed fresh, like it had been burned on my eyelids by a brand. _My mother’s face. Lifeless._

Padmé’s hand dropped to her side and she paused for a long time, her gaze steady on the floor. “I don’t think that was merely a nightmare, Anakin.”

“I’m okay, see?” I gestured to my face, “Look, no tears. Really, you don’t need to read into it too much.” I tried my best to smile.

Padmé stood up and walked towards the window. She folded her hands behind her back, as she looked out at the horizon. “Anakin, your dismissal isn’t as convincing as you think it is. I know something’s going on. It clearly has you worried sick and trying to ignore it isn’t working.”

“Padmé, don't-”

She held up a hand, as a gesture for me not to interrupt. “Please, just consider being honest with me about it. I promise it’ll be worth your while.” She still wasn’t looking at me. 

“It’s not that simple.”

She finally turned to face me. “Why?”

“You’re better off not knowing. You’ll sleep better at night.” I looked off at the opposite corner of the room. I could feel her gaze drilling into the back of my skull.

“I already don’t sleep well, I think I can take it.”

“Why are you acting so belligerent?”

“I can’t seem to get to you otherwise.” She took a step back from the window and sat in an armchair nestled in the corner of the room. “I’m worried about you, truly. I suppose that’s why I’m pressing you about this.”

“Why do I worry you, exactly?”

“I heard you scream, in the middle of the night. You sounded utterly terrified. I hadn’t heard something like that since… since the invasion. I don’t want to stand by while someone suffers. Especially if that person is you.”

“This isn’t the same. I’m not one of your people.” em>And I’m not entirely innocent, I wanted to add, but I didn’t. I knew that would just inflame her more. “I have to handle this myself.”

“Anakin…”

“We’re adults now. I’m not some kid anymore and I don’t need your help. So can you please stop asking me about this?”

I finally looked to see Padmé’s expression. By the way the sadness tinged her eyes and lingered in the downturned corner of her mouth, I could tell there was something she wanted to say, but couldn’t for some reason.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Like I’m some kind of wounded animal. Why are you doing that?” She tried to make herself appear more neutral, but her eyes were still pained. “Stop doing that!”

There was a long silence. Padmé smoothed her skirt with her hand and let out of a quiet sigh. She finally spoke up, “Whatever happened to you that’s haunting you now, it wasn’t your fault.”

“How do you know what I’ve been through?!”

“I don’t.”

“Then, why are you saying that?”

“You were a child. Whoever and whatever hurt you, they had no right to do it.” In that sentence lay Padmé’s fundamental misunderstanding of my life. When you live as I did, there is no question of who has “the right” to hurt you. As a slave, that is your role and your place… to be hurt. 

“I thought you understood where I was coming from,” I said, as I stood and made my way to stand in the door frame. “I guess I was wrong.”


	13. The Storms of Kamino

I ate dinner alone that evening, on the balcony. I knew Padmé had said the things she did because she didn’t know any better. She didn’t know what my life was like on Tatooine. It wasn’t her fault and I had grown tired of determining blame.

I wished I could stop thinking about what happened altogether. I wished I could stop my life from continuing on this path. I wanted to pick up the pieces somewhere else. Maybe that way I could escape these ghosts and the fear that plagued me.

If I closed my eyes, I could sense the ghosts come out of their hiding places as night fell over Naboo. The heavy thud of landing craft, followed by the metallic footsteps of droids. Blaster fire and explosions. _Screaming._

The memory of the invasion was still fresh, that was for sure. 

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, then opened my eyes. In the distance, I could see the sun peaking over the horizon, coloring the sky around it shades of pink. It was nice to enjoy a sunset, without anxieties about the coming night.

That’s not to say I didn’t have some anxieties that evening. But they were more professional than personal. I was expecting a call. 

Right on schedule, a hologram of Obi-Wan appeared from my communicator. He was hunched over, his cloak obscuring most of his face and body. It appeared to be raining heavily. 

“Where are you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Kamino,” Obi-Wan replied, pulling his cloak tighter around himself, “That poison dart we found on the assassin was apparently made here.” 

“Kamino? Where’s that? I’ve never heard of it.”

“Beyond the Outer Rim. You know, it’s funny,” he said, “The Jedi Order seems to have not heard of it either. It wasn’t shown on any star charts. I found it with the advice of an old friend.”

“That’s… strange.”

“Even stranger, it seems it was actually erased from the records. All the maps I looked at showed the system’s gravity field, but the planets had all been removed.”

“I would say that’s really suspicious, but I suspect you’re already thinking that.”

“I am.”

“Why would the Order want to hide a planet?”

“I don’t think the Council knows about this. I believe it was an individual who tampered with the records.”

“And no one noticed?”

“Kamino is beyond the Rishi Maze and in a very difficult area to navigate. I don’t think anyone was eager to go there in the first place.”

“Why do you think they did it?”

“Frankly, Anakin, I have no idea. Perhaps, while I’m here, I’ll find something to help unravel this mystery, along with the situation concerning the bounty hunter.”

The rain continued pelting down on Obi-Wan. He coughed and adjusted his robes.

“Is it always raining there?” I asked.

“Apparently so,” he replied, the frustration clear in his voice, “I haven’t seen a single landmass since I’ve arrived, so it’s a wonder the Kaminoans have built a city at all.”

“Hm… So what’s your plan to find the bounty hunter?”

“Well, I won’t bring it up to Kaminoans until it becomes absolutely necessary. I don’t want to give them reason to kick me out before I can find any clues.”

“Right, wouldn’t want that to happen.”

“What’s happening on your end? Senator Amidala is safe, I presume?” 

I peeked through the doorway and saw Padmé eating dinner alone at the grand table. I had sensed her presence in the Force, but I always liked to be sure. “She is,” I said, as I turned back to Obi-Wan, “It’s been quiet over here. This isn’t exactly the fun part of the mission.”

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. “What changed?”

“Nothing. I’ve merely had a realization.”

“Well, if that realization makes you more focused on the task at hand, I’m all for it, but I must be going.”

“Master, wait-”

“Good luck, my young apprentice.” The hologram vanished. I groaned and tossed the communicator back into my pocket. Obi-Wan always avoided the difficult conversations, unless those conversations concerned his criticism of me. _How convenient._

Padmé’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. “Anakin?” she said, leaning through the doorway to the balcony.

“What is it?” I asked, focusing on my communicator which I was fidgeting with.

“Are you coming inside?” She pulled her shawl tightly around her shoulders. “It’s getting rather cold out here.” Padmé’s summer dress left her arms and back exposed, so it was no wonder she was cold.

“I’m fine.” 

“Oh… alright.” She turned to go inside, but lingered in the doorway. 

“Is there something you’d like to add?”

“I’m sorry, for what I said earlier. I can’t possibly understand what your childhood was like. We come from different worlds, literally and figuratively.” I let out a small chuckle. She continued, “I only want to support you, like you’ve supported me.”

“Thank you.”

“Should I-” Her hand rested on the doorframe, holding her back from going inside.

“No, just go… please,” I said, as I stood and placed my hands on the railing, “We can talk tomorrow morning. I need some time to think.”

“Oh, okay...” she said, with a sad sigh. The sound of her footsteps on the tile faded. All I could hear was the lapping of the water below, the summer breeze and cicadas chirping in the nearby trees.

I was willing to disappoint her now. Better not to let this anger grow. There was too much on my mind to let this consume me. I took a deep breath, then another. I let it out. I let the feeling mingle with the air and disappear. I could already feel balance returning to my mind. I was in control of myself. No more dark thoughts. 

_Good._

But something lingered, something I hadn’t let myself fully examine until now. Back on Coruscant, Padmé had said the Republic was at stake, all because of the Military Creation Act. Did she see war in our future? 

The Separatists hadn’t done anything violent yet. They had no standing army. They had cajoled systems to their side with promises of prosperity. It was a convincing argument. I had seen the failures of the Republic firsthand during the invasion of the very planet I was on. 

It made me wonder-

_Who was truly trying to kill Padmé? Was it the Separatists… or the Republic?_


	14. Paranoia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 months and almost 1k hits! It's all very exciting for a small-time fic writer like myself.  
> Thanks to all of you for your nice comments and kudos. I really appreciate them.  
> With all that said,  
> Happy reading!

It turns out, it only took a few days for my worries about the fate of the Republic to slip from my mind. It helped that Naboo was far removed from the chaos. Now, the assassination attempts seemed like a distant nightmare.

Two days ago, Padmé and I had dinner at her parents’ house. It was strangely nerve-wracking. Padmé’s sister, Sola, kept casting me amused glances. She would turn to Padmé and laugh, as if I was the subject of an inside joke. _It wasn’t like she would report my indiscretions to the Jedi Council, right? Why was I so worried?_

“Sola won’t say anything, will she?” I wondered aloud.

Padmé laughed and turned towards me so I could see her bemused expression. “Of course not. She’s experienced in this type of secrecy.” At that moment, I was sinking into couch cushions, so it was probably difficult to take me seriously.

“Oh, good. I was worried for a moment. Your parents kept giving me suspicious glances. I don’t think they like me very much.”

“They’ve been worried about me. I’m sure it wasn’t personal.”

“Did they like Riyo?” I asked abruptly.

“What?”

“Did your parents like Riyo or were they suspicious of her as well?”

“They never met her. Besides, you’re being paranoid.” Padmé sat beside me, then draped herself across my lap. 

It didn’t dissuade me. “Maybe I have some reason to be paranoid, with the Jedi Code and all.” 

“Anakin,” Padmé replied, as she took my hands in hers, “You’ve been anxious, because of your nightmares. I’m sure this is just residual nervousness. My family isn’t out to get you, I promise.”

I sighed. “You’re probably right, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen.” A sick feeling of dread had taken up residence in the pit of my stomach. Sometimes it was accompanied by a dull ache behind my eyes. 

“Why don’t you tell me what you think might happen? In the past, when I had anxieties, it helped me to say them aloud. Sometimes, it makes me realize how irrational they were.”

Before I could reply, the ache behind my eyes came back suddenly and sharply. I pinched the bridge of my nose and grimaced. Bright lights, that looked almost like blaster fire, danced on the back of my eyelids. 

Padmé sat up in alarm, “Are you alright?”

The pain intensified and images began flashing before my eyes. A sandstorm. A bloody fist. _My mother’s face._ I shot to my feet, knocking Padmé off my lap, then rushed halfway across the room. I stopped suddenly, but my thoughts still raced at full speed.

“Anakin! What’s going on?!” she said, as she pulled herself up from the floor.

“I need to find someone else to protect you,” I said, as I grabbed my cloak from the floor and put it on, “I have to go.” 

Padmé grabbed my arm. “Just tell me what’s happening!” 

I hesitated. My policy of keeping these things to myself was coming back to bite me.

She pressed onward. “I know Jedi have visions. What did you see?”

“You can’t help me. Why should I tell you?”

“Maybe I can!” she pleaded, “And I hate to pull this card, but if you want this to work, you can’t keep shutting me out.” She lingered on _this_ , the uncertainty clear in her voice. “Tell me where you’re going.” 

“Promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

“Well, if it’s dangerous, you know I can’t promise that.” Padmé’s protective instinct was admirable, but at this moment, I wished it wasn’t so strong.

“I’m going to Tatooine.”

“Why?”

“My mother is dying.” Those words only added to the weight of worry on my shoulders. I thought I heard muffled coughing and when I looked behind me, I remembered Padmé and I were alone in the house. It must have been the last remnant of the vision. “I have to get to her fast.”

“Then we can take my ship. It’s nearby.”

“I need to handle this alone.”

“No, you don’t.” She took my hand and ran her thumb along my knuckles. “Let me be there for you. Besides, you’ll be safer if I’m watching your back.” I had seen her in action on Naboo all those years ago. I couldn’t argue with that logic.

“Fine. We’re leaving in ten minutes.”

* * *

As our ship ascended out of Naboo’s atmosphere, I wished I could spare a moment to look at the trees, to see this paradise from above. Tatooine was the exact opposite of paradise, so I might as well enjoy it while I was still here.

Then, the stars came into focus and the moment had passed. Naboo became a distant blue speck behind us. I input the coordinates for Tatooine into the navicomputer. A hologram of the planet appeared from the control panel. From here, my home planet appeared like any other. It was only when you got to the surface that you saw Tatooine for what it really was.

All the stars were swallowed up as I ignited the hyperdrive and for a moment, I was at peace. If I squinted, the blue expanse streaking by could be a river and I could be still leaning over the side of a boat and running my hand along the water.

I was so caught up in this daydream, that I didn’t notice Padmé tapping on my shoulder until she called my name. I turned to see her holding a familiar red blanket. 

“You look like you might be cold, so I got this for you,” she said, as she draped it over my shoulders.

“Thanks.” I hadn’t noticed I was so cold. My fingers were even tinged purple. I suppose I had grown accustomed to blocking out these feelings. Cold, windy nights were the norm on Tatooine. 

Padmé sat in the co-pilot’s seat and folded her hands in her lap. She looked like she was going to reach out to me, but she hesitated. My hostility earlier was surely the reason.

“I’m sorry,” I said. She looked up, surprised. “I’m sorry for shutting you out. I was afraid you would think I was crazy… or worse, a bad Jedi.”

“It’s all out in the open now. It’s better if you and I are honest about this sort of thing.”

I nodded, then turned to look out the window again. She said something about irony. I wasn’t sure what that was about. I couldn’t focus on what she was saying. My mind was occupied with worries about my mother. Between Padmé’s words, I could almost hear my mother’s voice.

She called out, _“Ani…”_

She was the only one who could call me that.


End file.
